An Australian “sexuality educator” has ignited a lively discussion among internet users by proposing that parents seek a baby’s permission before changing their diapers.
Deanne Carson contends that a “culture of consent” should begin at birth, leading to both curiosity and confusion within the online community. One user even questioned whether it is also necessary to obtain “consent from your cat to change its litter tray.”
In a rapidly evolving landscape of parenting methods, the concept of consent is infiltrating unexpected areas, such as diaper changes.
Requesting a baby’s consent before changing a soiled diaper may seem impractical, primarily because newborns and infants do not possess the verbal abilities to respond.
However, Deanne Carson believes that it is less about getting a formal response and more about establishing the groundwork for consent and respectful boundaries from the earliest age.
According to Carson – who identifies as a “sexuality educator, speaker, and author” on Twitter – the culture of consent must commence at birth.
She clarifies that the goal is to highlight the importance of respecting the child’s body and their autonomy. By explaining actions – such as saying, “I’m going to change your diaper now, is that okay?” – and taking a moment to observe body language, parents can help infants grasp the idea of personal agency.
Establishing trust and communication
The self-identified expert claims that this method isn’t about waiting for a verbal “yes” but rather fostering a two-way communication channel between parent and child.
“Naturally, a baby isn’t going to say, ‘yes mum, that sounds great, I’d love to have my nappy changed,” Carson mentioned during an interview with Australia’s ABC network. “However, if you create a pause and look for body language and make eye contact, you’re showing that child that their response is important.”
Pediatricians and early childhood specialists frequently stress the significance of acknowledging a baby’s non-verbal signals, such as coos, giggles, or movements, as part of effective communication. Integrating consent into diaper changes aligns with this by making babies aware, at some level, of what is occurring and involving them in the process.
‘Left lunacy’
However, not everyone views this method as practical or necessary, and some critics contend that infants are far too young to grasp the idea of consent.
Rowan Dean, editor of The Spectator Australia, described the notion of seeking a baby’s permission to change their nappy as “lefty lunacy.”
Additionally, John Rosemond – a psychologist, columnist, and parenting authority – asserts that Carson deserves the title of “the Weird and Even Weirder for the Most Bizarre Idea of All Time.”
“Not too long ago, anyone suggesting that parents should ask infants for consent to change their diapers would be seen as deranged by everyone except herself,” Rosemond states in the Reno Gazette Journal. “In this ironic way, Carson’s ‘culture of consent’ transforms into a family culture of confusion, mistrust, denial, and overall dysfunction.
Online, Carson’s comments ignited a whirlwind of discussions, with numerous social media users ridiculing her thoughts and questioning her qualifications.
“I’m pretty sure that when a baby cries because of the discomfort from a full diaper… that’s consent. In fact, I’d even say it’s a demand,” one user posted online.
Another user remarked, “A self-proclaimed ‘expert’ wants parents to seek permission before changing their child’s diaper. This indicates to me that she has zero experience with children.”
A third commenter reacted to a clip shared on X, stating: “Do you need to ask your cat for consent to change its litter box? No. If it smells bad, just change it. The same goes for a baby. If they’ve wet or soiled themselves, just change them!!!” Additionally, another user commented, “Keeping a child in a dirty diaper is legally considered child abuse. Does this crazy person support child abuse? She poses a greater risk than those who advocate against vaccinations.”]}
Some individuals, however, came to her defense, stating that Carson’s intentions were positive, even if the example she provided was not.
One internet user commented, “I’m genuinely surprised by the negative feedback you received regarding this… babies [and] toddlers start to communicate well before they can articulate words. Thank you for enduring the trolls to foster a discussion about this. Even if you’re mistaken, what harm could there be [in] showing respect?”
Another user remarked, “I believe she aims to promote a dialogue about consent among children, but has ridiculed it by taking it to an extreme. Babies cannot consent to anything. Ever. They are babies! Their safety and survival needs are taken for granted.”
A third person wrote, “I support Deanne Carson. It’s simple to talk to your baby. It’s easy to establish a culture of consent in your household.”
As the discussion persists, many agree that being mindful and communicative with infants holds value, even if it doesn’t strictly pertain to consent.
In the end, the decision to “ask” for consent may depend on personal parenting approaches and comfort levels. For some, seeking consent is merely another method to nurture a respectful, loving bond with their infants; for others, it might suffice to simply engage, observe, and respond to their baby’s needs.
What do you think about Carson’s suggestion that parents should ask babies for permission regarding dirty diapers? We’d love to hear your thoughts, so please share this story so we can gather more opinions!